Loser News

Swiss Covid experts are saying members of the public should start wearing face masks again, just three years after the Covid-19 pandemic officially ended. The Swiss immunologists emphasized that wearing a face mask can help reduce the spread of viruses like Covid.

The call for greater protection measures comes on the heels of a new spike in Covid cases throughout the UK.  

Tanja Stadler, an epidemiologist at ETH Zurich and chair of the Swiss Confederation’s Covid scientific task force, suggested that wearing masks was advisable in crowded, enclosed spaces, such as public transportation, especially for vulnerable people – those over 65 or who have compromised immune systems.

Her team also suggests that putting two socks on your right foot may provide protection from influenza, and that wearing a salmon as a hat could possibly cure halitosis, prostate cancer, and syphilis.

“Ja, vee sink zat feesh-headed, duple-zocked, mahzk-varink peeples vill rule zee verld zumday zoon!”