Loser News

Bastion of hard-hitting UK journalism, the Manchester Evening News, mislead both of its subscribers this week when they posted an article about NASA Rover’s discovery of a “skull on Mars”.

The article read, “The Perseverance rover is currently searching the Martian surface for signs of ancient life,” leading limey lemmings to believe that NASA had discovered the remains of an actual life form on the red planet.  

Reading further, however, the deception becomes clear, “…the rover paused at a boundary between light and dark rock outcrops where it spotted a peculiar-looking rock which scientists have nicknamed Skull Hill.”

Thus, what NASA’s billion dollar rover actually discovered was more rocks.

”Everone knows that, along with water, rocks are the building blocks of life”, explained out-of-work astrobiologist, Vern Pooterman.  “I can’t wait for the day that Perserverance finds a wet rock on Mars so we can crown it Overlord of the Universe and reinstate child sacrifice.”