Loser News

Fires throughout the Los Angeles area have sparked unneeded reactions as internet influencers, talking heads, and  pseudo-soothsayers around the nation began pointing their blame-throwers at everybody else.

Retired University of Missouri Professor, Karen Piper, waded into the fray to chastise actor James Woods for his assertion that the raging fires were not due to climate change, but rather poor planning by state entities responsible for brushfire response and control.

As fires approached the actor’s house, Piper tweeted, “James Woods’ house is burning down. It’s karma calling.”

Despite this assertion, Woods’ home actually survived the blaze,  while Piper’s faculty page from the University of Missouri website was removed, presumably due to a snark-induced karmic ricochet.

Calvary Chapel Pastor Jack Hibbs says that wokism and immigration are actually responsible for the fires. After suggesting that illegal immigrants had set 300 fires in Los Angeles area, he went on to say, “And now you’ve got a situation where a catastrophe came and the billions of dollars that you and I gave were diverted to other woke stupid Democratic projects!”

Upon hearing Hibbs’ diatribe, California Governor, Gavin Newsom, ordered fire crews to drop two billion dollars of tax revenue into the heart of the inferno in an effort to quench the flames and appease the conservative evangelical voting base.