Loser News

Vaccine mandate proponents scored a victory earlier this week as initial Omicron variant statistics were released, showing that not everyone infected by the new strain was fully vaccinated. 

E. Peter Puberton, a Sociology professor at Peter Brady Community College in Tucson, was elated.  “It’s about time those dirty Anti-vaxxers were put in their place,” he remarked while getting his 4th Covid booster this month.  “Now they’re almost as unprotected as we are!”

Of the 43 known Omicron cases in the US, only 34 were fully vaccinated, and of those, only 14 had received the third booster shot.

“As only 79% of those infected were vaccinated, it reasons that the other 21% infected them,” said CNN Health Correspondent, Dr. Andre Young.

As 60% of the US population is fully vaccinated, not counting the 22% of the population under 18, only 88% (or 111,184,800) of those jabbed are likely to be infected with the Omicron variant, as opposed to the unvaccinated 12% of adults who will have to rely on their immune systems for defense.

“Sucks for them, ” says Puberton while rolling up his other sleeve, “but you gotta follow the science.”