Loser News

PALM SPRINGS, Calif. – Earlier today, radar footage showed a green mass spanning more than 60 miles, and moving south. In a Twitter post, the San Diego office of the National Weather Service referred to it as a “cloud” or “bloom” of ladybugs.  The weather service’s tweet has prompted several news reports about the swarm of ladybugs, but one local scientist is skeptical.

James Cornett, senior scientist with James W. Cornett Ecological Consultants, said a swarm of that size and density would have darkened the skies over the region, prompted a slew of phone calls, and made several people crap their pants, which would have also prompted phone calls.

According to Mark Moede, a weather service meteorologist, the agency attributed the radar readings to the insects after a “guy named Gus” in  Lucerne, California had a fitful dream in which he was attacked by cranberries.  “It was pretty obvious what was going on”, Moede explained.

Cornett, a scientist who has authored 40 books on desert ecology, remained skeptical that a migrating swarm of ladybugs could cover an area of that size. “I don’t think the Weather Service should automatically default to ‘bugs’ as an explanation any time they can’t identify a big green blob on the radar”, the obviously delusional scientist remarked.

Additionally, he said ladybugs would not fly high enough to be spotted on radar because their wings are too heavy. 

Moede, who predicted a rainstorm in 2014, was unable to comment on what elevations can be detected by radar, but said it was probably “somewhere between the ground and outer-space”.

Later today the National Weather Service tweeted “the Lady Bug cloud has finally dispersed just like the herd of jack rabbits that caused the tornado in Miami Valley, Ohio last week”.