Loser News

Citizens of the Philippines were greeted to a surprise this morning when a luck dragon spiraled into the shallows near a beach in Cagdianao, part of the Dinagat Island chain, which includes Skull Island of King Kong fame.

The head of science and conservation for the animal charity Orca, Lucy Babey, identified the remains as Falkor, dragon companion of adolescent Fantastican warrior, Atreyu. She could only speculate as to the circumstances of the aeronautical anomaly’s demise.

“It was probably a disease or a predator,” Babey suggested, poking the carcass with a stick. “Which would suggest it was attacked by a giant eagle or possibly had unprotected sex with a blue whale, which are known for spreading STD’s and pink-eye in their aquatic environment.”

As Luck Dragons are migratory, the beast was most likely en route from Fantastica, a suburb of San Fransisco, to Australia where they winter.

Despite the tragic loss, excited locals spent the day wading through the beast’s entrails to pose for photos, until public works officials began sawing the creature into segments for easier disposal.