Loser News

I’ve learned that no matter how greasy things get, or how many Schneider eggs there are on the big road, if you keep on the downstroke, life will provide a sandbox in the short-short.

I’ve learned that you can dig out a hard ankle by the way they motor on when they’re beating the bushes on a window washer, got a bubble-gumming organ donor on their back door, or are getting bit by a paper-hanger.

I’ve learned that even when I’m feeding the bears or get bit by an alligator, I don’t have to be a gear jammer at the front door.

I’ve learned that every day you should key up a happy-happy for a Bubba. A holler or how ’bout can be as good as a west coast turnaround, and a cost-free lumper sure beats a fingerprint.

Lastly, I’ve learned that a driver will sandbag a Billy Big Rig in a rooster cruiser and crackerheads won’t eyeball a flip-flop, but with a good neighbor in your back pocket, life can be a Georgia overdrive.