Loser News

Insiders report that perennial all-star, Lebron James, will sit the rest of the regular season due to regulations imposed on the league by new NBA Commissioner, Adam Silver.

“Over the last 50 years the NBA has symbolically thumbed it’s nose at the Equal Pay Act that was established by the Federal Government in 1963. In my first act as Commissioner, I intend to correct this heinous injustice.”

Specifically, the Equal Pay Act provides that employers may not pay unequal wages to people who perform jobs that require substantially equal skill, effort and responsibility, and that are performed under similar working conditions within the same establishment.

“Essentially, each player in the NBA has the same responsibilities,” explained Silver. “Put the ball in the hoop and stop the other team from putting he ball in the hoop. It doesn’t take a genius to see that, but evidently it takes more than one year of college.”

Other franchise players face the same minute pinch, including; Kevin Durant, Dwight Howard, Kevin Love, and Carmelo Anthony, although in Silver’s words, the Knicks suck so bad, it really doesn’t matter.

Currently, league salaries range from $450,000 to $30,000,000, but if Silver has his way, wages for all players in the NBA will be roughly $63,000.00 annually, which is nearly $12000 more that the median household income of the United States.

Lebron refused to comment on the new league regulations, yet league sources assured reporters that the four time MVP will still be able to flop and make incredulous expressions at referees, but will have to do so from the bench.