Hey again, Corporate sell-outs. Thanks for taking a second from gnawing the flesh off whatever deep fried, processed, chocolate coated meat stick you’ve been munching on to partake in a little worldly wisdom.
You know that skank, Margie, who slaves for the man at the local google-plex? Well, she’s way jealous of me because I’m seeing Mike Ferguson, who totally dumped her for not being more attentive to the environment and not letting him get to third-base.
So anyway, last Thursday afternoon, me and Mike went to see the recently released director’s cut of Pineapple Express, and when we got up to front of the line, Margie was standing behind the candy counter in her stupid hat and most recent Hollywood secreted polo shirt. So, I ordered a popcorn (with “butter”, but since it’s just some chemically-based flavor additive, it doesn’t threaten my vegan status) and asked Ms. Minimum-Wage to pour it into the hemp bag I got from BJ’s health food store.
Well, since she’s so skanked-up about me and Mike, she tells me “no” and said she had to give it to me in one of their tree-murdering cardboard containers, and then I could pour it into my own bag. I told her she was making decisions way above her pay scale and was about to demand to talk the manager, but Mike wanted to play video Skee-Ball before the movie started, so I decided to take the high road.
When we came out of the movie, Margie was conveniently “off-shift”, but I didn’t care cause we already had big plans to grab a couple handfuls of sauce packets from Taco Bell and go back to Mike’s dad’s to watch Purple Rain.
Loser News 
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