Loser News

Ya’ know, the whole Affordable Care thing seemed like a super-good idea on paper, but now that it’s been implimented it’s too legit to quit!

Sure, I’ve had to make a few minor tweeks, like extending the deadline for large corporations, and, just this week, for mid-sized business, but the private citizen will have to buy my junk or get a hefty fine, which Big-Daddy’s going to be pocketing for his next trip to Hawaii. Plus, I totally stuck it to the voters by telling them, “If you like your current insurance, you can keep it”, and “If you like your doctor, you can keep them”, which is like telling an amputee, “If you like your leg, you can keep it (in a jar)”.

So anyways, I’ve satisfied my backers and promised to bail out the insurance agencies if they lose money (which is a foregone conclusion, but let’s not tell the stupid people), which means more financial backers, which means more Hawaii money for your’s truly.

Mahalo!