Loser News

My Dearest Yahoo,

When I signed up for my Yahoo Account (back in the 1900’s), I was so stoked to find the D&DA (Dungeons and Dragons Anonymous) chatroom, that I didn’t give a great deal of consideration to interweb security issues. So, when I found out you were pimping out my personal info some years later, I took the initiative to change my security settings (as well as my relationship status) and was very appreciative that you didn’t hunt me down and give me a good smack like my previous leisure broker.

Alas, I lived in a sheltered environment of ignorant bliss until one recent evening when my remote malfunctioned while fast forwarding past pointless crap between compelling scenes of CSI. The talking head (with the amazing quaff! Super-jealous!) was saying that the NSA had obtained a complete set of my e-mail records (even a number of unreleased studio-cuts) from the Yahoo database.

I’m not sure whether I’m more upset with the breach of security, or that your company hired tech-nerds that were actually stupider than government tech-nerds.

Therefore, I’ll be taking my business, false identity, and the bogus personal information I provided you to one of the other free e-mail providers with whom I am also in a shallow, dishonest relationship with.

And with that, I say good day, sir.

I say, Good Day!!