Eight homes in Lake County, CA (near San Francisco) are at risk of being sucked into the ground following the appearance of a sinkhole in the midst of a residential neighborhood. It’s so bad, even Postal Carriers are being turned away from the area.
“I could really give a crap,” remarked Elvin Martin, an unofficial USPS spokesperson on scene. “Bunch of douche-bags on this street anyway.”
In all, eighteen homes have been evacuated and the residents temporarily housed at a local Ramada Inn.
“The rooms are really spacious,” advised homeowner, Gladys McGinty, whose home is currently half submerged in the Earth. “Plus, they have a Continental Breakfast every morning. Ooh-la-la.”
As usual, government officials and scientists are baffled.
“Houses don’t usually sink,” observed Art Swilley, public works director for the small community. “Mostly they stay above ground…unless they have a basement.”
Ira Bergman, Proffessor of Earth and Planetary Science at UC Berkely concurred. “It might be a result of previous seismic activity in the area, or quite possibly the beginning of a gravity field that will ultimately become a black hole and destroy us all. If it’s not one those, I don’t have a clue. I just do Earth and Planets.”
County Administrator, Matt Perkins, has also called in specialists Earl Basset and Valentine McKee from Perfection, NV, in the event that the earth disturbances are being caused by giant, snake- tongued, burrowing worms, with which they have extensive experience.
Loser News 
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