Loser News

On a crisp January morning in the Washington DC Metro, a man started to play the violin. He played several works over 45 minutes. In all, six people stopped for a time to listen, and the man only collected thirty-two dollars for his efforts. No one applauded. There was no recognition.

What was not known, was that the violinist was Joshua Bell, perhaps the best violinist in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written on a violin worth 3.5 million dollars. Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out a theater in Boston and the seats average $100.

Why did so few escape their harried schedule momentarily to bask in the brilliance of this musical anomaly? Because no one knows who the hell Joshua Bell is. Most people don’t like violin music, unless it’s an upbeat rural anthem by John Denver or the Charlie Daniels band.

This brief study of human nature was set up by the Washington Post, who brought you the Watergate scandal and Keira Knightley’s marriage to James Righton, and was completely pointless.

If the Eagles were jamming on a corner in Zimbabwe, most folks would walk on by, except the one’s that stopped to tell them they needed a steel drum.

If P-Diddy did a break-out rap session in deep-woods Appalachia, people would be mildly offended at best…and likely compliment him on his mouth.

But thank God we have news sources waggling their fingers at the masses in a derisive display of paternal disgust, else we might never experience the shame of not knowing an obscure musician by sight.

Alas, you have cut me to the quick, Washington Post. Never again will I pass a vagrant musician en route to visit my dying grandmother in the hospital, without lingering o’er yon unadorned swan song and subtle odour of pee.

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