Loser News

NEW YORK (Reuters) -During a lengthy press conference, a visibly exhausted Mitt Romney lost his composure briefly and stated, “I could give a crap about the American people! I’m just doing it for the money!!”

The Romney campaign did its best to walk back the remarks. “It’s just that the economy is so important right now,” suggested Romney’s campaign manager, Matt Rhoades. “What he really meant is that there won’t be an America left if he doesn’t ‘do it’ for the money.”

Romney continued his rant in broken Spanish the next morning on Univision’s El Gordo y La Flaca. “Los Americanos son a-holes,” he told host, Lili Estefan. “Yo quiero dinero por un Camaro nuevo!”

Experts say a sitting president can earn up to $400,000 annual salary, along with a $50,000 annual expense account, a $100,000 nontaxable travel account and $19,000 for entertainment.

“That travel allowance is kinda flexible,” advised the current President as he boarded Air Force 1 wearing a scuba mask, hiking boots, and a hang glider.

“Holy crap,” Romney exclaimed upon hearing the numbers, “in four years as President, I could make almost as much as I paid in taxes last year!”