Loser News

Greetings beloved brothers and sisters. Gosh, but the time does fly, and another year has come and gone at Mother Mary Cathedral of Holy Communion.

As you know, we’ve recently come under some scrutiny for the youth group’s production of Islam Is Lame. Certainly, some of the acting was a bit stiff and the musical numbers were a little unpolished, but what do you expect? We’re Catholics, not Jews.

CWG President, Merna O’Shea, lost nearly one hundred pounds with the Lap Band.  She says she feels great and has more energy than any other 275 lb. woman that she knows.

Archbishop Kelly has finally retired, leaving an opportunity for advancement, providing the diocesan council doesn’t play the political bull crap it usually does…

Father McGinty returned from Ghana recently and addressed the Deacon’s Board last night, asking them to never send him back.

Lastly, donations for the Archbishop’s National Appeal have dropped again in 2011, but don’t be concerned. I’m certain our parishoners have excellent reasons for not giving, which they can explain to Jesus upon his fiery return.

Happy New Year, my children.

Father Tim