Wilma Lou Harris, of Sabina, OH, told reporters today that ex-model/talk show skank, Tyra Banks has eaten five of her grandchildren when they came to visit her at the Shady Acres retirement home.
“They used to come see me every week before Tyra started eating them,” the Octogenarian explained. “Now I just see my creepy nephew, Claude, who’s always putting the moves on my room mate!”
Harris claims the children began to disappear after Banks visited the retirement village for a charity-based celebrity auction which provided new ping pong paddles and a remote control for the VHS in the Rec Room.
“She got all worked up ’cause no one would bid on her,” Harris continued. “And after attacking Mike, the security guard, she started looking at the kids.”
Ian James, Assistant Night Custodian at Shady Acres, told reporters that Wilma Lou’s story was altogether possible, and that is was probably the most lucid comment she’s made in the last five years.
“She’s been a little off since ’89, but she really hit the nail on the head on this one. Tyra Banks is a serious whack-job.”
Rosie O’Donnell’s lawyer could not be reached for a response.
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