State Department officials seriously freaked today when they realized that the fifth wife, and human shield, of Usama Bin Laden was none other than actor/comedian, Demetri Martin.
“When I found out, I was like, What!”remarked CIA Chief, Leon Penetta, at a press conference earlier today.
Martin all but disappeared following the cancellation of his Comedy Central show, Important Things with Demetri Martin, yet few knew of his lifelong dream of moving to Pakistan and shacking up with the Al Qaida figure head.
“He’d talked about it from time to time,” admits John Stewart, producer of Martin’s variety show, ”but I didn’t think he’d actually do it.”
Documents released today, state that the former comedian actually took a bullet for his Jihadist life partner when Navy SEALS teams stormed their double-wide early last week.
“In truth, I was just going to make a ‘vest joke’ when they totally shot me in the leg,” Martin recalls, laughing. “I guess the joke’s on me…plus I’ll probably lose the leg.”
When asked what plans the government has for the comedian, the President stated that he was planning to strongly admonish him, then get him a role in one of those “hilarious Big Mama movies”.
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