Take a deep, cleansing breath America, for I have solved the economic crisis! Yes, once again I have saved the nation from complete annihilation and incontinence. And the solution is so mind-numbingly simple, only a progressively forward thinking genius like me could come up with it. Move over Sir Isaac Newton, there’s a new plumber in town!!
You see, stupid people in the United States like to spend money on stupid things that cost too much, but which they are too stupid to realize. Therefore, by levying a “Stupidity Surcharge” on all of these extravagant purchases, the American people that aren’t so stupid wouldn’t need to pay higher taxes. For example:
Stupid people pay $50.00 a head to see Carrot Top perform in Las Vegas. If prices were changed to $60.00 per ticket, the extra ten dollars could be placed in what I like to call, the “Dumb Fund”. But that’s not all!!
Next, Carrot Top decides he needs more Botox injections, to have another row of stomach muscles installed, and to double up on the steroids. The 20% surcharge on each of these frivilous ventures would net another huge sum of idiot income which could provide better schools or awesome zoos.
It’s totally a win-win scenario for everybody involved, except the stupid people, who are entirely to dense to understand.
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