Loser News

Booyah, sports fans!! It’s time for another installment of Loser Sports!

Miami Heat owner Micky Arison signed a ten movie deal with Columbia Pictures today in an effort to make as much money as he possibly can.

Apparently, he’s prostituted his three star prostit… er’ players; James, Wade, and Bosh to the film company in exchange for Peru.

“We’ve really been in a slump lately”, related Columbia’s Vice President of Refreshments, Jaleel White. “It’s so bad, we had to make the Smurfs.”

The superstar threesome make their first appearance in a sequel to a family favorite, Snow White and the three Giant African American Dwarves. The three play Greedy, Glutton, and Grubber in the tale of a princess that must sacrifice herself for her kingdom, unless her dwarves can defeat the evil Queen’s robotic basketball team in three-on-three.

The trio is also slated for such box office abortions as; The Three Basketeers, Three Ballers and a Baby, White Chicks II, and the remake of Kazaam.