Loser News

Just when you thought the nation was safe from alien aggression, Federal officials have uncovered a threat so heinous, it could only be termed a “concern”. Earlier this week, INS Agents discovered what appears to be a terrrestrially based interstellar gateway in a dried up river bed near the coastal city of San Diego, CA. As usual, scientists are baffled.

Government observers have reported sightings of strange, brownish humanoids carrying what appear to be large bricks, but on closer inspection are actually containers for a plant bi-product officials believe to be an intergalactic spinach.

The Pentagon has assembled a top secret strike team to travel through the portal and investigate its origin, led by a hard-bitten combat verteran who lost his only son to a firearms mishap.  Accompanying him are a crack squad of highly inept combatants who’s ability to parse stagnant one-liners is only exceeded by the hapless naivety of their linguistics specialist.