Loser News

Scientists became overly excited about sun flares earlier this week, prompting a nearby star to make a rare public appearance.

“They’re certainly an excitable lot,” the Sun told Katie Kouric Wednesday on the CBS Evening News.  “I can’t even emit a class-C flare without everybody pointing their telescopes at me.”

Scientists assert that the recent solar activity is all the more interesting due to the Sun’s recent inactivity.

“I was just reading,” the Sun continued. “I always read when I’m taking a coronal mass ejection for cripe’s sake!”

Scientists predict the enhanced solar activity will create spectacular auroras throughout Quebec and Antarctica that will be best viewed at night,  as the auroras are light and light shows up best in the dark.

Unfortunately, near the end of the interview, the Sun emitted what experts call a “solar floater”, igniting Kouric’s pant suit and incinerating executive producer Rick Kaplan.