Loser News

Zimbabwean farmer, Gamba Ndlovu writes:

Dear Scott Financial Services,

Recently I have decided to alter my employment and begin a new career, and for this reason I have contacted you.  My yak has gone to be with the elders, thus I can no longer sustain my family on the vegetation my plot can produce.  As I have no more livestock or children to barter with, I must come to you asking for assistance.

I see from your web address that you release funds to people in order to purchase watercraft.  I have been contemplating the purchase of such a watercraft in order to catch great quantities of Hunyani Salmon from Lake Chivero, which I would then barter with in the market place.

As you know, Hunyani are a staple for every Unity Day celebration, and many beautiful baskets and pieces of headwear are made from its bones.  Thus, you are also aware that the Hunyani prefers deeper waters in which to dwell, which is why I will require 122 Botsowanan Pula’s to purchase my fishing vessel.

I attempted to utilize your convenient money issuing web address, but as I did not know the currency conversion from pula to the US dollar, I was not sure if 122 Pulas was more or less than 25,000 US dollars.

Please assist me in my venture.

Sincerely,

Gamba