Loser News

LONDON (AFP) – A cat which lost both back paws after a traumatic accident has regained an equally traumatic spring in its “step” after being fitted with prosthetic limbs.

In a pointlessly groundbreaking surgery carried out by Noel Fitzpatrick, a Surrey-based veterinary surgeon, the custom-made implants were spot welded to the feline despite his high-pitched protests.

“We had to make our own prosthetics,” explained Fitzpatrick, “cause none of the people ones were small enough.”

The implants were developed by a team from University College London, who had nothing important to do and enjoyed torturing cats.

“Once we got started we just couldn’t quit,” Fitzpatrick continued. “Blimey, we used almost everything in the junk drawer.”