Loser News

In food news today, Mexican President, Felipe Calderon was quoted as saying he would restrict border crossings from America to “only those people in possession of a valid American passport…and people with a lot of money”.

The comments followed criticism of his foreign policy from Mexican noble, Don Diego de la Vega, who believes America killed his wife and stole his daughter, Elena, and plans to wreak terror on the nation to the north as a black-clad masked avenger.

Calderon concurs.  “No longer will the United States treat us like a slightly effeminate second cousin,” he announced at a Burger King grand opening in Campeche.  “They will rue the day they crossed us!  Viva el Mexico!  Viva la libertad!  And viva this new Burger King, con hamburguesas tan savorosas!!”