Loser News

Michigan Congressman, Bart Stupak responded to accusations that his compromise on health care was tantamount to infantocide.

“I do not kill babies,” Stupak told reporters Monday. “Sure, I hate them as much as the next guy, but I’m no killer…,”he continued, “unless you mean ‘lady killer’, then slap on the cuffs cause I’m guilty as charged!”

Republicans disagree. 

“Oh, he’s a baby-killer alright,” affirms Texas Representative, Randy Neugebauer.  “He’s killed three already this week, maybe more.”

“Bart Stupak is one of the greatest baby-killing Americans of our time,” President Obama declared Sunday night in a State Of The Union Address. “If I had eight more like him, I could track down those gosh-darned hobbits, and finally rule Middle Earth.”