Loser News

That’s right, kids. It’s time for another lecture from Dad:

I know you think you’ve heard all there is about…well, you know…your woman-becoming time (that is also a punctuation mark), but as you can now become….with child, there are some important facts you need to be aware of.

Studies show that you can get “knocked under” (as you kids say) by just looking at the wrong guy, sharing a piece of gum, or wearing somone else’s jacket.

Now, I’m sure your semi-attracive Health teacher took time out of her busy schedule of calling the police on innocent men whose dog walking route happens to take them through her backyard, to warn you of the dangers of Toxic Chalk Syndrome, but she may have neglected to inform you of the other health concerns associated with your new…condition.

There’s cooties, plagarism, the heebie-jeebies, dengue fever, and patriotism, among other things which make your head fall off and your feet explode. So enjoy your new woman-hood…liness, but try not to die.