Loser News

I believe the Tang Corporation severely limited their product when they made the cooperative crossover with the good folks at NASA and advertised the beverage as being consumed by astronauts. Face it, most of us will never aspire to the excellence necessary to have a country spend the money to launch us into space. So, what’s the point of drinking Tang.

It’s really just a cruel twist on our inadequacies, like when you tell the foreign kid at the Stop & Rob that he’ll be President someday. That’s why Kool-Aid does so well. A big fat pitcher of red sugar water hocking red sugar water.

Will it make you fat? It did him. Is it good for you? No, it’s got a quarter pound of sugar in it. Can I attain that same level of soft drink slovenliness? Oh yeaaaahhhh!!