Loser News

The other day I asked my mom if I was straight up trippin’ . She just made a face she makes when she can’t remember the cat’s name, which told me that I was, in fact, trippin’ and was doing so in an extremely upward manner

I admit, there are a lot of people that do straight up trip. I can totally understand why people would think guys like Simon Cowell, Judge Judy, and George W. Bush (though not so much since he’s been out of office) straight up trip, but what is it about me that does?

Okay, sometimes I get down on the Pistons, but hey they’re professional athletes so they can handle it. And they get paid boo-koo bucks to spin balls on their fingers and shoot them through that ring thing, so they should be able to tolerate some mild but completely accurate criticism.

It could be the kids. I can be hard on them. Like when I got tired of doing the laundry on my days off and told them they had to start doing their own. They didn’t say anything, but if there had been thought bubbles above their heads, they probably would have read; “He be trippin’, yo!” (I suspect the boys’ inner voices are a lot more ghetto than they let on.)

I’ve also been traveling a lot so it could be those TSA Screeners that think I’m trippin’, although if you ask me they’re the ones trippin‘ because they won’t even let me use the handicap lane when I have two bags and a latte. I mean, duh, I can’t use my hands. Doesn’t that make me handicapped?!?

Anyway, I could totally care less. I mean, if I’m straight up trippin’, then so be it. There are worse things to be than straight up trippin’. Like being a cannibal, for example. If you had to pick one of us for a room- mate, which would you pick?

Well, what if the cannibal had Hepatitis?