Loser News

Hulk Hogan ended several days of speculation by four people in Vermont when he announced today that he wasn’t gay.

“I’m proud of my sexuality,” he says. “I embrace it. It’s just another part of me.”

“Sure, some guys may have gotten the wrong idea from my Atomic Leg Drop or Axe Handle Elbow Chop,  but I’m an entertainer.  That’s what I do, not who I am.  It shouldn’t matter what I do in my social life”, he says, “but it does, and that really hurts.”

Hogan says he isn’t interested in being the poster child for hetero-rights. “I’m trying to be a retired wrestler/reality show star, not a civil-rights leader.”