Loser News

Bill Gates, David Rockefeller Sr., Oprah Winfrey and other mega-rich celebrity icons met in New York this month in an effort to form the city’s first superhero group. 

The meeting was organized by Gates and his wife Melinda, (also known as the super-duo Cyberslash and Vixen) and included other high profile participants such as; Ted Turner (Pacifisto), Warren Buffet (Chimera), and George Soros (Captain Hemlock).  Together, they plan to battle evil, or at least their version of it, throughout the universe.

“Whenever someone is not allowed to kill themselves with a lethal dose of federally regulated pharmaceuticals I’ll be there,” Soros announced at a press conference following the meeting.

“Wherever porn is banned in a public place, you’ll find me,” Ted Turner added. “Unless I’m at Ted’s Montana Grill, with 55 locations in 20 states.”

“And wherever anyone is prohibited from doing Kegel exercizes in public while breast feeding an armadillo,” Oprah (the Pointless Avenger) Winfrey concluded, “you’ll find The Legion of Selective Tolerance!!”