Loser News

Ella Abernathy, recent graduate of Ms. Chalmers School of Cosmetology in Grand Rapids, MI recently found a twenty-six year old picture of herself and what may be the fossilized remains of the Darwin’s legendary “missing link”.

“I was just thumbing through an old photo album at my mom’s,” Abernathy explained, “and Wala-Wala!  There it was.”

Her boyfriend, who studied geology (or possibly geography) at Jackson Community College said it looked like a monkey pelvis or a giant gorilla foot bone, which spurred Abernathy to contact Brian Richmond, a biological anthropologist at George Washington University in Washington, D.C.

“This specimen looks like a really early fossil monkey that belongs to the group that includes us,” said Richmond. “It’s the most important branching point on the evolutionary tree.  Right about where you’d hang the tire swing.”

Unfortunately, the photograph is all that remains of this historical find as the fossil itself was sold at a yard sale in 1986.