Local gang leader, Dan “Running Dan” Reis, today purchased a vintage motor carriage with ilicit funds received from the illegal enterprises of his prison/ street/ mall/ pizzeria/ fitness center gang, The Dans.
“Yo dis car be da bomb, yo!!” Reis told reporters. “I be rollin’ large now, yo!”
“We were supposed to be saving that money for matching dry-weave running shirts,” disgruntled Dans member Tom “T-Bikes” Depp pointed out later at a news conference. “Just what am I supposed to tell T-Roy and Huggy-Poot?!?”
Loser News 
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