Loser News

That’s right kids. It’s time for another lecture from Dad:

I know you think you know all there is to know about…well, you know…”physical relations”, but I just want to touch bases with you on some of the dangers that lurk out there for somebody who’s becoming curious about their…uh…reproductive…um…processes.

Let’s say you have a locker at school and this hunky guy comes along and asks if he can keep something in your locker.  So you ask, “Like what?”, and he’s like, “Just something.”  But he’s super neato and almost has a mustache, so you say, “Okay!”

So then he pulls out this half full paper lunch bag that’s all greasy looking and gross, so you’re all, “Maybe this isn’t such a good idea.”, but he’s all, “It’s cool, Baby.  I’ll just put it in this plastic garbage bag I borrowed from the janitor.”  But your still like, “Ewww.  I don’t know.”  But he’s like, “Trust me, Baby.  Everything’s going to be alright.”  And even though you’re still not sure, you let him put it in your locker because, after all, he is manager of the water polo team.

But then the cops come in with the dogs and raid the school, demand to search your locker, and find two hundred pounds of freshly cut methamphetamines, causing you to miss the the sophomore hop because you’re doing five to ten for interstate drug trafficking.

Now, was that worth it?