Loser News

MILAN, Mich. – Local hero and excellent driver, Deke Schultz, drove the government’s International CO1850 switcher truck into a ditch today. 

“The steering was a little tight”, Schultz related after the incident.  “The sun was in my eyes, I’m going through a stressful time in my life right now, and I have a yeast infection.”

Innocent bystander, Dan “Running Dan” Reis (of local prison/ street/ mall /pizzaria gang The Dans) related this first hand account;

“Yo!!  I saw the whole thing!!  First he wasn’t in the ditch, then he was in the ditch!  The truck was like this,” he described, tipping a chair at a roughly 45 degree angle, “and I was like, ‘He’s gonna tip!!’ but then he didn’t.  Yo!!”

“I’m recovering from a minor case of pseudofolliculitis barbae,” Schultz continued.  “I’ve been listening to a lot of Zepplin, and I ran into a flock of geese.”