Loser News

\yü-ˈje-niks\ : a science that deals with the improvement (as by control of human mating) of hereditary qualities of a race or breed.

HEY EVERYBODY!! IT’S ME EDDIE DEEZER, FROM THE HIT MOVIE GREASE AND IT’S PATHETICALLY POINTLESS SEQUEL, GREASE 2! 

AS YOU KNOW, ACTIVISTS ARE ALWAYS HIRING CELEBRITIES TO ENDORSE THEIR CAUSE DE JEUR, MUCH LIKE HOW CHUNKY SOUP USES MUTANT NFL PLAYERS TO PROMOTE THEIR HEARTY SIRLOIN BURGER!

WELL, SEEING AS I PLAYED A CHARACTER NAMED “EUGENE”, AND AM MYSELF A PRODUCT OF SELECTIVE GENETICS (my mom is Jane Fonda and my dad is Peter), TURNER BROADCASTING (in cooperation with Planned Parenthood) CHOSE ME TO TELL YOU ABOUT THE FASCINATING AND LIBERATING WORLD OF EUGENICS…WHICH FROM THIS POINT FORWARD WE’LL REFER TO AS “POPULATION HEALTH”!

LUCKY FOR US, WE’VE HAD PIONEERS LIKE MARGARET SANGER, ADOLF HITLER, AND DR. MOREAU TO LEAD US DOWN THE PATH OF ENLIGHTENMENT!  IT’S LIKE DOROTHY FOLLOWING THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD TO A UTOPIAN CITY OF SOCIALIST TYRANNY AND FORCED STERILIZATION, WHERE THE WIZARD HAS THE SCARECROW AND TIN MAN EUTHANIZED DUE TO THEIR BIRTH DEFECTS AND THE LION IS RELEASED BACK INTO THE WILD WHERE HE IS IMMEDIATELY KILLED BY HIS OWN KIND BECAUSE HE SMELLS LIKE NIRVANA!!

EUGEN…I MEAN, POPULATION HEALTH ROCKS!