Loser News

Hey everybody!! It’s me, Ted! Ya’ know, a friend came up to me the other day and asked me if I wanted to go Snipes Huntin’. Now, I’ve hunted goose, deer, Koala, boar, puppy, and most every other thing you can point a gun at, but I just wasn’t sure if I wanted to kill me a Snipes.

I mean, I like a lot of his movies. Not “New Jack City” or “Too Wong Foo”, but he was pretty good in “Major League”. So’s you can see how vexed ole’ Ted was at this proposition. While I respect him as a thespian, part of me was chompin’ at the bit to kill me a vampire (or at least half of one). Thus, I acquiesced.

Now, I’d of thunk you’d need some garlic and a couple of wood stakes to hunt Snipes, but my buddy told me we’d only need a couple burlap sacks. Vampires must be allergic to burlap, plus it does make it a little more sportmanslike. I reckon once you nab ole’ Snipes in your sack, you just take turns smacking him in the head with a rock.