Loser News

“Where the (blank) is my (blanking) bag, you (blanking) bunch of (blanking) (blanks)?!?”

Due to that demeaning diatribe, dispatched by the dazzlingly dense daytime debutante, Naomi Campbell was asked to depart a British Airways flight en route to Los Angeles. And just like you or I, she refused…and had to be foreceully removed…by police…whom she punched and spit on.

Now, banned from British Airways and sentenced to 200 hours of community service, my aging, angst-filled angel has nothing to do but return to my ever open arms, just like she did when she beat up her agent, or the time she chucked the phone at her assistant’s head. 

Come back, Snookerpoopy!! Fulfill our love. My wounds are healed…well mostly.  Sure, I still have that twitch, but each mini muscle spasm reminds me how much I love you.  Damn my therapists and their “advice”!  Return to me!!  For love is pain, after all, and what could be more painful than you?