Loser News

Well, if you’re planning on taking your snake skin boots on your groovy Canadian vacation this year, forget about it.  It seems that the King of Canada (or whatever their ruler is called) has decreed it cruel to make apparel out of reptiles.  As if?!?  That would mean my gecko chaps, komodo dragon hat, and anaconda leisure suit are illegal in the Great White North.  No wonder they lost World War II.

Canadians still mutilate all the cows and pigs they can get their hands on, plus they go out shooting bears, caribou, and mooses…or is that meese?  Yet, by and large, our nerdy neighbors to the north are out picketing and chanting “Protect the Snakes”, with a zest only equalled by their unquenchable thirst for beer. 

“Dude, the snakes are totally endangerized!” Canadian Foreign Minister, Keanu Reeves relates.  “I totally think we need to make more!”   

Granted, I haven’t actually been to Canada.  The closest I got was a look across the water from Sault Ste. Marie, but it was enough my friend…it was enough.