Loser News

Ever had one of those days when you just couldn’t think up nothing to kill? Well, ole Ted’s having one of those today. I couldn’t think of one thing.

Sure, I could just phone it in and say, “Let’s kill some puppies!!”, but you deserve better than that, America. If I can’t be passionate about killing puppies, then I don’t want to kill puppies. Sure, puppies are delicious. All tender and juicy…mmmmm. They’re not as good as manatee though.

Of course, what is?