Loser News

Hey folks!! It’s me, Ted, and this is another installment of Killin’ Things With Ted. This week I’m going to be going over the basics of killin’ a deer with your bare hands. As seen here, I have killed this deer with my bare hands. How did I do it? Ancient Chinese secret.

I’m just funnin’ with ya’!! In reality, I dozed off and fell out of my deer stand, landing right in front of this fifteen point buck (he lost some points in the ensuing struggle). He’d been munching on some trail mix I’d sprinkled on on the ground and must have got a peanut stuck in his throat when I fell out of the tree. He was wheezin’ and coughin’ and his eyes were bulging out, so I just did what any other concerned citizen would do. I hit him in the face with a shovel.

Then, when he fell down, I jumped on his back and punched him ear until he stopped squirmin’.  Then I just stopped and watched the sunset.