Legendary actor, Richard Harris, was killed in a bizarre accident today at the age of 72. Harris who had just departed a child’s birthday party where he portrayed the elderly wizard, Albus Dumbledore, stopped by ASM Auto Recycling in Oxford to pick up a quarter panel for his prized 2010 Renault Clio when the unthinkable happened.
“I was of the impression that the vehicle was unoccupied”, recounted salvage crane operator, Felix Pickles. “Had I known there were an accomplished actor inside, I doubt the result would be the same.”
After picking up the Clio (with it’s occupant), Pickles hoisted it into the auto crusher, nicknamed The Thatcher, where co-worker, Nigel Munt, unwittingly murdered the Irish-born thespian with the push of a button.
“I thought I heard screaming,” Munt recalls, “but I figured it was just the hedgehog what lives about.”
Authorities don’t suspect foul play, however, Inspector Fitzloyd Dicks did poke through the wreckage in hopes of finding the Elder Thestral tail hair wand the actor used in his films.
“Me nippers’d be gobsmacked if’n I were to wangle that tosh, what?”
In a now dubious interview last week with Country Life Magazine, when asked whether he would continue his Harry Potter role, Harris remarked. “I’ll keep doing it as long as I enjoy it, my health holds out, and I don’t get crushed to death in a car.”
Harris is survived by his pet schnauzer, Valdemort.
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