Loser News

Boo-yah sports fans, and welcome to another pointless installment of Loser Sports Update. This week LA Clippers owner, Donald Sterling, was allegedly recorded making racially insensitive remarks while drunk on the phone with “public relations assistant”, V. Stiviano.

Stiviano denies releasing the recording to the press, yet highly respected news organization, TMZ, was still able to score a copy. She also asserts that her relationship with Sterling was not romantic, but rather a professional agreement, in which Sterling compensated her to the sum of $2 million for taking selfies and watching basketball games.

“This is a moral issue for the fans,” remarked legendary NBA baller, Earvin “Magic” Johnson, who reportedly drove the lane on more than 300 lady-fans each of his 12 NBA seasons, several times during post-game interviews. “I’ll never go to a Clippers game again,” he continued, “unless they decide to sell me the team.”

Clippers players staged a silent protest Sunday, playing in black socks and wristbands, and warming up with their jerseys inside out.

“It’s what Ghandi would have done,” a noticeably upset Blake Griffin shouted from the whirlpool in the team’s locker room following the 21 point play-off loss.

“I would never play for the Clippers,” announced ever-intense Lakers shooting guard, Kobe Bryant, who’s knee fell off again during the 2013-14 season causing him to miss 76 of the season’s 82 games. “Especially not for that f#@*ing faggot!”

Four time MVP, Lebron James, stated that there was no room for this type of behavior in “our” league. He then kicked a water bottle at a fan, fell to the floor dramatically, and refused to shake hands with anybody for the rest of the day.

Even President Obama offered up an unsolicited opinion on the incident.

“When ignorant folks want to advertise their ignorance, you don’t really have to do anything, you just let them talk.” He then continued to talk for three hours.