Boo-yah sports fans, and welcome to another installment of Loser Sports. Following a week of masturbatory elitism, the NBA is back in business and fast approaching the morbidly tittilating “Trade Deadline”. Since no epic switch-a-roos are currently in the making, I’ve decided to complete my own mock, fantasy league trade-o-rama, if you will. Here’s a taste:
Lebron James will be traded to the McDonalds at the corner of Carnegie and East 32nd in Cleveland for thirty-eight year old Fry Cook, Ed Johnson. James will reportedly earn $8.32 an hour.
Johnson will join the Miami Heat just in time for a play-off run, and receive 42 million on his one year contract.
The Lakers are sending recently acquired Center, Dwight Howard, to Madison Memorial Hospital in Rexburg, ID for orderly (and dietary department fill-in), Arvin Danks, who will attempt to bolster Los Angeles’ ailing interior defense for an undisclosed amount.
It is also rumored that Gasol brothers, Pau and Marc, may be sent to the Ashburn Antique store in Giggins, Kentucky, for Selma and Velma Ashburn, the shop’s elderly proprietors.
Boo-yah!!
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