Loser News

An Earth-size planet, four times Earth’s mass and two times it’s radius, was discovered earlier this week lurking a mere twenty-five light years away.

“Personally, given the ubiquity (being everywhere) and propensity (a natural tendancy) of life to flourish wherever it can, I would say, my own personal feeling is that the chances of life on this planet are 100 percent,” said Steven Vogt, a professor of astronomy and astrophysics at the University of California, Santa Cruz,”…no, make that one hundred and seven percent”, he corrected after pressing several make believe buttons on an over-sized, imaginary free-hovering calculator.

Between blazing heat on the star-facing side and freezing cold on the dark side, the average surface temperature may range from 24 degrees below zero to 10 degrees Fahrenheit (minus 31 to minus 12 degrees Celsius), researchers said. Yet they are optimistic that the planet may be in a habitable zone in the solar system which could allow for the possibility of the existence of liquid water.

Thus, there’s a good chance that if life were to get a toe-hold in some unfrozen water in the temperate zone of the planet, where the atmosphere could support life, and the water was magically infused with the genetic diversity to create life, then it would potentially be able to adapt to those conditions and possibly take off just like it did here.