Loser News

News reports suggest that scientists have found the remains of a transitional fossil near a landfill in Desmoines, IA.  Archaeologists are amazed at the find, stating it goes beyond their wildest imaginations.

“Sure, we knew we’d find them eventually,” remarked Dr. Ruth, head of research for the Iowa dig, “but we had no idea it would be such a violent transition!”

For nearly two centuries, evolutionary scientists have scoured the planet in search of proof of their theories, assuming they’d eventually find a “man-ape” or “anteater-beluga whale” to silence the doubts of a small minority of stupid people.  Yet, this new fossil evidence is neither mammal-to-man or dinosaur-to-bird, but rather cntaloupe-to-chicken.

“This plant to animal evolution blows everything we know out of the water,” observed Dr. Otto Octavius, super-villain and radiometric dating expert.

The Chickaloupe is still under scrutiny by the science departments of Cal State Berkeley, Harvard University, and the Kentucky Fried Chicken Institute of Higher Learning.

“I always assumed I was the missing link between Rosie O’Donnell and Oprah,” said Dr. Phil at a press conference in nearby Altoona. “Now, it seems it may have been a potato.”