Loser News

Dan “Running Dan” Reis, controversial leader of the street/ prison/ mall/ convenience store/ TGI Friday’s/ hospital waiting-room gang, The Dans, announced today that he will be changing his name and embarking on a solo music career. Adopting the moniker, Truss Phunn, the would-be rap star plans to release his first song this week.

“Yo, it be’s ’bout time dis dawg put out a album,” Reis/Phunn told reporters earlier this morning.  “It gon be dope, yo!  Gimme a beat!!”

Jus’ to set the record straight

I gets paid out da’ Trust Fund. Suntines late!

So it ain’t your tax dollars that I inflate.

Me an’ my homies down in UNICOR be tired of da’ hate.

We gonna party wit my Ronnie at da’ Rear Gate,

An’ give doze gov’ment customers a rebate. 

Fred Flinstone gettin’ yelled at by Mr. Slate

‘An Neck be showin’ Huggie how to ice skate!!

Yo, word to yo’ Mud Flap!

If successful Truss would join the ranks of such thug-life crossovers as Ice Cube, The Game, Snoop Dogg, and Will Smith.