Loser News

Yes, after a short stay on land following our Alaskan journey, we decided to cruise the harbor at Long Beach this weekend.  It was an awesome forty-five minutes of viewing significant hull damage on oil frigates, smelling dead fish waste on the sunning sea lions, and watching pelicans slam their faces into the water from seventy-five feet up, yet it somehow lacked the luster of our previous sea voyage.

Still, the kids had a nice time, until Renee asked Harrison a very personal questions.  She asked him if he’d gotten his “seal eggs”.  Now Harrison had no idea what she was talking about, and immediately assumed he’d been jipped and began running around the boat, tossing cushions, rummaging through the trash, and asking everybody if they’d gotten their seal eggs.

Many said they had, which only fueled Harrison’s angst until I sat both he and his sister down and explained that seals, being mammals, don’t even have eggs.  Renee tried to pretend she’d been talking about something completely different, but I know she was lying so she wouldn’t look stupid.  Then she argued that platypusses are mammals that lay eggs, but I know they’re just mythical beasts like unicorns, or griffins, or skunks.

So, if you’re ever on a boat and somebody says they have to find their “seal eggs”, just scoff at them and tell them how stupid they are.  That’s what I do.