Wilma Lou Harris (80) of Sabina, OH, told reporters today that she was indeed the late Paul Newman’s lost siamese cousin. Evidently, they had been conjoined at the elbow at birth, but were separated in a bizarre applesauce canning incident less than a year later.
“I ain’t seen Paul since then,” Wilma informed Gus Harrington, her neighbor and sometimes boyfriend at Shady Acres Retirement Village.
Staff at the the home are skeptical, though DNA tests have yet to be conducted.
“I don’t think she’s really clear on the details,” Ian James, assistant manager of Shady Acres, suggested at a local press conference earlier this afternoon. “I mean, I don’t even know how siamese cousins would be possible.”
However, James recanted later after receiving a phone call from Rosie O’Donell’s lawyer.
Loser News 
Leave a comment