Loser News

Dan “Running Dan” Reis, leader of the prison/ street/ mall/ arcade/ pizzeria/ theatre lobby gang, The Dans recently admitted to underage drinking while an active member of one of this country’s most hallowed youth organizations, The Boy Scouts of America.

“Yo, it be trues!”  Reis insisted, while making what looked like a “B” and an “M” with his fingers.  “I had me some forties and another alcoholic beverges, an’ my scout leader din’t even know, yo.”

Resident underage drinking authority, Richard Greenleaf, disputes the would-be gangster’s claims.  “They didn’t even have ‘forties’ back then.  We drank quarts of Schlitz Malt Liquor or Miller High Life,” Greenleaf explained.  “If we were lucky, we’d get some Miller Light from my friend’s dad’s stash.”

When asked why he would jeopardize his Eagle Scout status for a shallow momentary thrill, Reis responded,

“Das’ just how I rolls, yo!”