Tag: FBI
-
FBI Investigates Primate E-Mails / Australia Zoo Boasts Oldest First Lady
WASHINGTON ― The FBI announced Friday that it is reviewing new emails to determine whether they are connected to Democratic presidential nominee, Puan the Orangutan’s, handling of sensitive government information. The emails were found on devices belonging to Puan’s aide Huma Abedin and former Congressman Anthony Weiner. In a Friday letter to members of Congress,…
-
New York Manhunt Not Working
Escaped murderers, David Sweat and Richard Matt still remain at large despite virtually every police officer in America looking for them. “It’s like they really don’t want to be found”, observed Officer Blake Turdt of the Dannemoran New York Police Department. “I got an inkling they’re heading either north, or south, or west.” Officials within…
-
FBI Implicated in False Advertisment Scheme
WASHINGTON, D.C.-Government watchdog and homemaker, Pearl Handleman, revealed today that the FBI has been withholding information regarding their Ten Most Wanted list. Specifically, Handleman noted that the despite the capture of James “Whitey” Bulger and the death of Usama Bin Laden, the list still states that these two are among the Ten. “I believe ten…
-
America’s Marginally Wanted
The FBI added another suspect to its most wanted list earlier today, alerting the public that he was armed, possibly dangerous, probably unstable, and definitely lactose intolerant. The man (pictured at right), known as Sheik Shaggy Von Brady, is currently being sought for questioning, and probably elimination, by US agencies, Interpol, the KGB, the NRA,…
Loser News 